


House of Cards

by AllDaveKat



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Altered Mental States, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blow Jobs, Bulges and Nooks (Homestuck), Drunken Confessions, Earth C (Homestuck), Hand Jobs, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Quadrant Confusion, Self-Esteem Issues, Trickster Dave - Freeform, Trickster Mode (Homestuck), bigkat, rosemary wedding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:14:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22458577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllDaveKat/pseuds/AllDaveKat
Summary: Dave gets Trickstered at Rose & Kanaya’s wedding, and accidentally reveals his feelings for Karkat.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 72
Kudos: 430





	1. I Don't Want To Be Your Friend

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [carnivorousBelvedere](https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnivorousBelvedere/pseuds/carnivorousBelvedere) for this idea!
> 
> And a million thanks to [that_one_Maid_of_Space](https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_one_Maid_of_Space) for beta reading!! Your edits are impeccable *chef kiss*

Your name is Dave Strider, and you think you might have a problem. And that problem is your best friend, Karkat Vantas. See, the thing is, you’re straight, right? At least, you thought you were. But lately, certain… feelings, shall we say, have been getting really difficult to ignore, and it’s making you question… stuff.

It all started when you, Dirk, and Karkat decided to share a hive together on the new and improved Earth C. It just made sense, all your friends were pairing up, either into couples or family units. You and Karkat had basically been roommates for the past three years anyway, so you knew you could tolerate each other. Honestly, the thought of living without him close by made you panic a little for some reason you couldn’t exactly name, but you weren’t sure how to say that without it being awkward or gay. Luckily you didn’t have to figure it out, because he agreed immediately when you asked if he wanted to share a can. 

You both also decided to invite Dirk to live with you since he was your relative, after all, and he didn’t really have anyone else--Roxy, Jane and Callie seemed to have a living arrangement worked out between the three of them, and you didn’t exactly know what went down between him and Jake, but you knew they weren’t about to be moving in together anytime soon. Dirk actually smiled when you asked him to live with you, so it was honestly worth it just for that.

Everything was fine and dandy, no problems here, sir, until that first night after you officially moved in. You were sitting on the couch with Dirk, drinking an AJ and watching SBAHJ (with Dirk providing extensive commentary about why every scene was the product of genius). Karkat was taking one of his long-ass showers. You heard him unlock the bathroom door, and you turned around on the couch to make a comment to him about how between him and Dirk showering all day long, you were gonna have to start pissing outside. But the words never made it out of your mouth. You just gaped at him like an idiot, because he was dripping wet and wearing nothing but a towel to cover his lower half. Heat flared sudden and desperate in your gut, and to your horror, you realized you were suddenly harder than you’d ever been in your life. Karkat just glanced at you and grumbled, “Don’t stay up too late watching this rancid horseshit,” before disappearing into his bedroom. But the damage was already done. 

Thankfully, Dirk didn’t seem to notice anything, as he was pretty enthralled by the scene on screen at the moment, a twenty-minute-long close up shot of Ben Stiller’s left nostril. You quietly excused yourself into the bathroom, which was still steamy from Karkat’s shower. You willed yourself to stop thinking about the way his body had been glistening with shower water, how his bangs flopped across his face, how easy it would be to follow him into his room and tear his towel off and--FUCK, stop it! you told yourself desperately, trying to think of anything else. You were kind of fully panicking right now. 

See, it’s not like you’d never noticed how attractive Karkat was, before. Even before his moult in the third year on the meteor, when he grew several feet taller and several dozen pounds heftier, you were aware of certain… feelings you were having. How it made your heart beat a little faster when he put his arm around you during movie night. Or the way you’d catch yourself looking at his mouth a little too long when he was talking. But you’d never, like, sprung a stiffy thinking about him or anything. Because you weren’t gay. Or bi, like Rose kept insinuating. You were just experiencing a perfectly normal teenage hormonal reaction to being stuck on a space rock with nobody else to fixate on besides your unnaturally good-looking best friend.

But this. This was… new. This was a problem. You took a deep breath and turned the shower on to the coldest setting. You refused to look at your erect dick as you undressed, not wanting to even acknowledge its existence. You took a deep breath. You could handle this. It would be fine. You just had to bottle up all your feelings for Karkat and not let them out ever again, easy peasy apple squeezy.

And it kind of worked. Over the next few months, you did your best to ignore your feelings and just pretend they weren’t there. Like you kept telling yourself, you weren’t fucking gay, and even if you did have feelings for Karkat, you weren’t going to act on them. It wouldn’t be fucking fair to him, because you just weren’t into guys that way, so you already knew that it wouldn’t work out. You’d just have to get the fuck over it, and above all else, make sure he never found out about any feelings you might or might not be having.

That’s what you’d been telling yourself for months now, and that’s what you’re currently telling yourself, tonight, on the eve of Rose and Kanaya’s wedding, as you try not to stare at your best friend who is wearing the most flattering goddamn suit you’ve ever seen in your life. You curse Kanaya for her sewing skills. The classy black suit jacket emphasizes Karkat’s broad shoulders, and the perfectly tailored slacks show off his absolutely choice ass. You groan internally, and force yourself to stop ogling your best friend’s derriere before Rose or anyone else notices. Okay, you just need to get through this night without making a fool of yourself. You can do that, right? ...Right?


	2. I Just Want To Be Your Lover

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you’re currently attending the most beautiful wedding that’s ever taken place on Earth C. It’s also the first wedding ever to take place on Earth C, so it’s not much of a competition, but fuck you. It’s lovely and moving and romantic, and you’re so happy for Kanaya and Rose. Gross pink tears are running down your face as you watch them say their vows in front of you and the other guests. Aka everyone who survived the game, plus a bunch of carapacians who wanted to attend as Roxy’s plus-one-hundred.

At the end of the ceremony, Rose dips Kanaya into such a passionate kiss that you actually choke on a sob. Several people turn to look at you in alarm, because it sounded like you just swallowed an earth trunkbeast whole. But it doesn’t matter, because Kanaya is glowing (literally) with happiness, and Rose’s eyes are sparkling, and it’s normal to cry at weddings, dammit! You sniffle happily, and Dave smirks and hands you a tissue from his sylladex.

Everything is beautiful, and perfect, and orderly. And then, out of nowhere, Callie runs into the room, holding up a large green and red lollipop, and all hell fucking breaks loose. 

First you hear a loud gasp of “NOOOOO!” There’s a scuffle on the other side of the room and you see Roxy making a beeline for Callie, elbowing carapacians out of her way. Callie, unheeding of Roxy’s efforts to stop them, holds the lollipop up to Jake and shoves it right in his fucking mouth. Jesus Christ, he can really fit a lot in there. (You accidentally make eye contact with Dirk who’s sitting on your other side, and you swear he fucking winks at you from behind those shades.)

You blink and Jake’s hair is now a godawful shade of neon green. His eyes are wide open and manic, and his mouth is split open in an unnatural grin. He’s also suddenly wearing a completely different, ridiculously neon outfit. Callie yanks the lollipop back, and Jake giggles loudly, then he bounces over to Dirk and kisses him right on the mouth. Dirk staggers back slightly, then kisses him back as he transforms into the same weird ridiculous hair/outfit combob as Jake, but in slightly different color combinations. In the meantime, Jane, Roxy, and Dave are seemingly transfixed by the damn lollipop. Before anyone can stop them, they’ve all licked it and are now a blur of neon colors and high pitched giggles running around the room.

You grab Dave’s arm as he’s skipping by, so you can ask him what the fuck is happening. You pause because he ALSO has green hair and his sunglasses are fucking HEART shaped. Your bloodpusher throbs and you fucking hate yourself because even like this he looks ridiculously attractive and you’re not allowed to do anything about it. Because even if he for some reason saw past your atrocious personality, unsightly body and ugly face, he still wouldn’t be capable of being attracted to you because of your gender. Not that you deserve him anyway. You have no fucking right to mope about it, so you just fucking don’t.

“Dave, what the fuck is happening?” you ask him, instead of saying any of that bullshit. 

“Karkat Karkat Karkat!! Can you believe Rose and Kanaya?? They got married! Did you see it man? It was beautiful! Did you see how beautiful they looked up there?” He sounds completely un-Dave-like and it’s kind of freaking you out.

“Uh… Yeah, of course I saw it, I was sitting right here next to you the whole time. What the fuck is wrong with you? What just happened? Why is your hair green? Fuck, that’s like the least important question, don’t answer that one.”

Dave laughs and jumps up and down. “Everything is amazing!! Karkat you gotta try this stuff, it makes you feel so good! Like you don’t have any personal problems at all and everything is fixed forever!”

Dirk sighs next to you. “Don’t try it, man. It’s really not fucking worth it. Callie gave Jane one of these lollipops during our session, and it made everyone go batshit insane and say a bunch of shit they immediately regretted. Also you get the worst hangover. It’s gonna be a long fucking night.” He pats you on the shoulder and walks away.

You look at Dave in concern, then realize you’re still holding onto his arm and let go quickly. He just smiles back at you, and fuck if it doesn’t make your knees a little weak.

~

Five hours of trickster chaos and wedding shenanigans later, you’re sitting on a park bench with Dave (who’s been a nutcase all night, by the way, trying to human parkour on everything and spilling fancy apple juice all over himself like an imbecile) a little ways off from the wedding party. You’ve had more than a few drinks of human alcohol, courtesy of Terezi, who brought a fucking flask to the wedding, so you’re feeling a little spinny right now. The moon is rising and a cool breeze makes you shiver slightly. 

Dave leans his head on your shoulder, and for a second you panic because you want him so bad you think you might die. But you’re used to pushing down these feelings, after three years, so you breathe deeply and don’t let your emotions show on your face. Not that he’d notice anyway in his current state. You’re both pretty trashed right now, him on fucking lollipop farts and you the good old-fashioned way. Pathetic single assholes getting inebriated at weddings is practically tradition, right? At least, it is according to your rom coms.

“Karkat! Karkat, hey Karkat, guess what?” Dave giggles and looks up at you. 

“What is it, Dave?” you slur sleepily. It’s been a long fucking night. You’re drunk, you’re tired, and you just want to go home and collapse in your bed. 

Dave sits up and you try to ignore how your shoulder feels cold with his absence. He leans in and grabs your hand with his own sweaty one, and you turn to look at him.

“I have something really really important to tell you Karkat,” he says seriously. Then his face breaks into a grin. “I love you! Like romantic ways and shit. Why have I never told you that before?? I’ve been in love with you for like three years, now, holy shit. You’re my best friend and I love you, and I want to date you, okay? Will you date me?”

He puts his other hand on the side of your face, and before you can process what's happening, he leans in and kisses you right on the mouth.

Blood rushes in your ears and you forget everything and kiss him back, hard. You’re sloppy and desperate, your whole body aching for him as you move your mouth against his. You shove your tongue into his mouth, and he tastes amazing, better than you ever imagined. You fit together perfectly, and he’s warm and moving and making little whining noises into your mouth. 

Dave breaks off the kiss and looks confused. “Why aren’t you all trickstery, Karkat? I wanted to make you happy, like me!”

You look down at yourself, and sure enough you’re still wearing the suit Kanaya made you for the wedding. Kanaya is such a good friend, you love her so much! “I don’t know, maybe it-- hic-- doesn’t work on trolls? Anyway it doesn’t matter, because you already make me happy, Dave! Just being with you. Kissing you. So good. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” You have to pause for a moment to remember how breathing works. 

Dave smiles, showing several crooked teeth, and you feel like your bloodpusher is about to explode. “Well what do you say, Karkat? Are we a couple now? Davekat? The red knight district? Can I change my last name to Strider-Vantas yet? Or Vantas-Strider, I’m not picky. All I want to know is if you’ll be mine 5eva?” 

You can’t stop your mouth from smiling too. “Fuck, Dave. Of course I will! I fuck.. fucking love you so much.” 

“Let’s go home and consummate our love!” Dave suggests very loudly.

Sober Karkat would cringe right into the fucking sun at that, but he’s not here right now. Drunk Karkat turns to Dave with stars in his eyes, and says, “That sounds fucking perfect.”


	3. No Matter How It Ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the Sex chapter

You’re not really sure how you get home, but one moment you’re kissing Karkat under the stars and confessing your love to him, and the next, the two of you are busting through the door of your shared hive, giggling and stumbling up the stairs to his bedroom. 

You pause in the stairwell to mack on him some more, running your hands up his shoulders and sighing. He’s so deliciously hunky. God, you’ve wanted to do this for so long, why did you never do this before?? What were you so afraid of? Rejection? Confusion about your sexuality? Why the fuck would you worry about any of that, Karkat is so obviously into you and you’re hella into him too. He’s kissing you back just as enthusiastically, tasting very strongly of cheap whiskey. You really have no idea where he got any, because this was a dry wedding, but whatever. His claws are digging into your ass just enough to sting in a really, really fucking great way. You gasp into his mouth, feeling your dick really starting to pay attention now, and grind subtly against his hip to get some relief. 

You want to spend the whole night making him feel amazing. “I want to make you feel amazing,” you tell him. 

He blushes adorably. “You always make me feel amazing, Dave. You’re so, so incredible. You’re-- fuck. So hot. Just want to do all kinds of stuff to you tonight.”

Oh, wow. You like the sound of that. 

Karkat pulls you into his room by your shirt, still kissing you. He pushes you a little roughly onto the bed, and your body heats up in arousal. Interesting, learning new fun things about ourselves tonight, apparently being tossed around makes you horny. You laugh, because it’s funny, everything is just so fucking funny! 

He climbs up on the bed, hovering over you, and you open your legs so he can fit between them. He leans down to kiss you hotly. His body is so big and warm, and you fucking love how it feels to have him on top of you. You distractedly attempt to unbutton his dress shirt, a difficult task when his tongue is delving into your mouth like it’s a spelunker exploring the sexiest cave on Earth C. You manage to get three buttons undone before he loses patience and just rips the thing off, scattering buttons everywhere. Sweet baby Jesus, that’s fucking HOT. 

“Holy fuck, Karkat, that was so hot, do my shirt too!” you beg him.

He snorts, “Fine, but I’m not buying you a new one.” 

He tears your shirt off, and the cold air that hits your flushed chest is a relief. You whine and shove your tongue back in his mouth, pressing your bare chest against his. He feels so warm and smooth, and weirdly hairless. You’re definitely hard right now, and you can feel… something… squirming inside his fancy dress pants. Something that you’re interested in getting a closer look at. You slip your fingers under his waistband slowly, asking for the permission that you’re confident you’ll receive. He nods, panting slightly into your open mouth. You suck on his lower lip, and undo his pants, pulling them down along with his underwear. He helps you out, shoving them all the way down to his ankles and kicking them onto the floor. You wiggle out of yours too, wanting to be naked for him as soon as humanly possible.

You sit back a little so you can take in the view. The room is dark, but moonlight is streaming in through the small window on Karkat’s wall, illuminating his form on the bed before you. His broad shoulders are relaxed and confident, and his bulge is curling around, seeming to want to wrap itself around something.

“Can I--?” you ask, reaching out to touch it. 

“Yes, fuck, please, Dave.” You swear his pupils dilate, and you wrap your fingers around his bulge, squeezing gently up and down. He’s so beautiful, you just want to make him feel good and happy and do whatever he wants you to do forever.

He puts his hand over yours, showing you how much pressure to use. It’s so hot, everything that’s happening right now is so incredibly spicy that you think you might blow your load as soon as he fucking touches you. You keep working his bulge for a little while, getting a feel for how he likes to be touched. He moans and it pulses in your hand, juices dripping down your wrist. 

“Fuck, Dave,” he gasps. “Stop, if you keep that up, fuck, won’t last, ah--!”

You give him one last squeeze, then let go regretfully. 

“What do you want?” he asks you. 

“Fuck, dude, I have no idea, I just want you to touch me, man, please fucking, just touch my dick okay?” you babble. 

He smirks and reaches down to brush his hand lightly against your dick.

“Like this?” he teases.

“Fuck, please-- more, please, Karkat,” you whine, thrusting up to chase his touch, needing more pressure, more heat, just more.

He relents and wraps a big hand over your dick, pumping you, gently at first, then harder. It feels so fucking good, and you cry out from the pleasure flooding through your body. All too soon, you feel the pressure building in the base of your spine, and before you can warn him, you’re shouting his name as your body clenches in a toe-curling orgasm. He works you through it, until you’re shaking with overstimulation and you slap lightly at his arm so he knows to let up.

“Fuck, babe, that was amazing.” You can’t help but smile, even though you wish you hadn’t gone off quite so soon. “Your turn now, okay? Can I suck you off, please, pretty please?”

You can see Karkat’s blush even in the dim lighting. “Um,” he says, his voice cracking slightly. His bulge thrashes around wildly, indicating an obvious interest.

You laugh. “Is that a good ‘um?’”

He gulps, and nods his head yes.

You grin and sit up, pushing him onto his back. You can’t wait to feast on his delicious troll bulge. You hold it steady with one hand, because it’s really going buck wild down there, and guide the tip into your mouth. It tastes kind of salty and weird, but in a hot way. You suck at the tip curiously, and Karkat shivers underneath you. Encouraged, you take in more of his bulge until it won’t fit anymore, and keep sucking, using your hand to pump up and down the remaining length. With your other hand you feel around underneath, looking for his nook. He grabs your hand and guides you to it, and you shove two fingers into him without preamble. He’s slick and dripping, and you pump your fingers in and out of him quickly, making him moan and quiver.

“M’ gonna-- Fuck, Dave, I’m gonna come!” Karkat’s whole body is shaking with tension, heat radiating off him like a furnace. You make an affirming “mmph” noise and keep sucking. His bulge spasms in your mouth, almost making you choke, and then it just starts sheeting off SO MUCH fucking jizz. Holy goddamn. It just keeps on coming. You valiantly swallow down as much of it as you can, but most of it ends up splashing all over you, Karkat, and the bed. 

When it seems like he’s finally done, you sit up, wiping your mouth and smiling. You look down at yourself, covered in pink juices, and double over with laughter. “Dude, you made such a fucking mess!” 

“Shut up,” Karkat mumbles sleepily. Man, he must be really fucked out. You’re pretty goddamn exhausted, yourself, to be honest. 

You grab a damp sheet and wipe some of the troll jizz off yourself, then you curl up next to Karkat in bed. You kiss him softly on the cheek, then you roll over and remember nothing else. 


	4. No Matter How It Starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for vomiting in the 1st paragraph

KARKAT

You wake up with a dry mouth and a dull pain in your thinkpan. You try to open your eyes but it’s so bright, like someone’s shining a flashlight directly in your face. It sends a sharp twinge through your already throbbing pan, so you shut your eyes again, groaning in discomfort. The room spins and you’re hit with a wave of dizzying nausea. You clap a hand over your mouth and sprint to the bathroom, barely making it in time to empty your stomach into the toilet. You cough and groan miserably, acid burning in your throat as you lean against the cool surface of the bathtub.

Fuck, what happened to you last night? You try to remember, your head aching from the effort of thinking right now. You were at Kanaya and Rose’s wedding, and Terezi had offered you a drink from her flask. You’d taken a couple hefty swigs, then got up to look for at Dave, you were supposed to be making sure he didn’t do anything crazy or dangerous-- Oh. Oh, fuck. Dave. You. Oh god, you seriously motherfucking fucked up last night. Holy shit. You scramble to your feet in panic, and slam the bathroom door shut, locking it tight. You. Fuck. So, Dave told you he loved you last night. While he was under the influence of a delusion-forming substance. And you, you fucking idiot, told him you loved him too. Not only that but you--God, you fucking disgusting excuse for a troll--you took him home and pailed with him. And the worst thing is, you can’t even manage to make yourself regret it, because for those couple hours last night, you were happier than you’ve ever been in your life.

How can you possibly ever fix this? You’re such a piece of shit, worthless trash. You violated your best friend’s trust, made yourself believe that he could actually be attracted to you, and took advantage of his weakened mental state to use him for your own sick pleasure. There’s no way Dave will ever speak to you again after this. Fuck. Your face crumples, and you slump down against the door and choke down a pathetic sob.

DAVE

You think you might be dying. Your head is pounding, the room is spinning, your mouth is like a desert, just, everything in your entire body feels awful right now. There’s a sickly sweet taste in the back of your throat. You open your eyes and look down at yourself. You’re buck naked, and your lower half is covered in some kind of dried, sticky pink liquid. Fuck. What the actual fuck happened to you last night? You think back. The wedding… the damned lollipop bullshit… fucking… oh, no. Oh, fuck no. 

You fucked Karkat last night.

And even worse than that, you told him you loved him. Oh, holy fuck. Is that true? Do you love him? You groan, you can’t think about this right now. What you need to do at this moment is take the fattest piss known to mankind. You crawl out of bed and make your way to the bathroom, picking up some dirty sweatpants from the floor and pulling them on. You try to open the door, but it’s locked.

“Karkat, are you in there?” you whisper hoarsely. There’s no response but you can hear someone’s wet, hitched breathing on the other side of the door. 

“Are you okay?” you ask, a bit louder. “Karkat?”

“Go away, Dave,” he says, voice cracking in a very obvious sob. Fuck, what did you do to him? 

“Fuck, Karkat, I know I really fucked up last night, and we definitely need to talk about it, but right now I need to take a leak the size of Lake Michigan. Please please let me in the bathroom before I piss all over your floor.”

There’s a moment of silence, then the door swings open and you run through, not looking at Karkat. After you’re done, you flush, wash your hands, and then sit down on the bathroom floor across from Karkat. He’s still in the corner by the door, head buried in his knees. 

“Hey,” you say weakly. “Uh, sorry for busting in on you like that. But, do you maybe want to talk about what happened? Last night?”

Karkat looks up at you with tears in his eyes and your heart clenches. “What is there to fucking talk about, Dave? I took advantage of you, like the worst piece of filth. I’m scum. You’d be perfectly justified in never speaking to me again. Why are you still even here?”

You’re completely taken aback. “Uh, were you even there last night? I was the one tripping lollipops and acting completely crazy, and you were super cool and got me home safe. You definitely didn’t take advantage of me at all. I feel like it was pretty obvious I, um. Enjoyed myself,” you admit, embarrassed. You are so not ready to talk about this. “We’re cool, man. Let’s just move past it, okay? This doesn’t have to change anything between us. You didn’t do anything wrong, please don’t guilt trip yourself, dude. We’re bffs for life, one fucked up candy-drug-fueled night couldn’t change that.”

Karkat looks confused, and opens his mouth as if to argue, but then he pauses and nods. “I… guess you’re right. Sorry I freaked out. Fuck, I’m such an idiot.”

“You’re not, dude, you’re just hungover as shit and probably feel as bad as I do right now,” you reassure him gently. “Come on, let’s get up and make some coffee and just sit around feeling bad about ourselves all day.”

Karkat wipes his eyes, sniffling. “Alright.” 

KARKAT

You’re downstairs in the kitchen, desperately sucking down your coffee as if it’s a mug of blood and you’re a rainbow drinker in one of Kanaya’s shitty novels. You’re still upset and shaken up, but you’re relieved that Dave’s still talking to you. He seems to think that he actually pushed himself onto you? And that whatever happened between you last night wasn’t really a big deal; at least nothing your friendship couldn’t stand up to. 

The problem is, you don’t really agree. With either statement--first, you’re still simmering in guilt because yeah, maybe he initiated the kissing, but you definitely didn’t try to stop it from going further. And secondly, you’re not really sure how long you can keep hiding from him the fact that you’re ass-backwards in love with him. 

Like, holy shit, looking at him across the kitchen table, unshaven, greasy hair, dark bags under his eyes, you’re smitten. He looks beautiful. You want to take care of him and have him take care of you, for the rest of your lives. And you still don’t even know what quadrant to put him in! Last night was decidedly red, but this morning when he calmed you down, you were feeling pale as fuck for him. You have to stop being so irresponsible with blurring your quadrants, you’re not six sweeps old anymore. You have to get your shit together.

  
You think you need to talk to Kanaya soon.

DAVE

You think you might be panicking. 

Images and sensations keep flashing into your mind from last night, of kissing Karkat, how good he tasted, how insanely fucking hot it was when he touched you. And how you told him that you’re in love with him, and want to date him. You’re feeling really fucking conflicted, because you don’t feel like those statements are wrong, even right now? You wonder if maybe the lollipop drugs are still in your system, twisting your feelings into something they’re not. 

But then you think about the way you felt this morning when you saw Karkat crying. You would have done anything to make him feel better. You’ve pretty much always felt that way about him, at least since you guys stopped outright hating each other after the first couple months on the meteor. You look across the table at him, with his adorable bed-head, bloodshot eyes, and thick, furrowed brows. Something twinges in your heart that you’re not sure you’re ready to name.

You think you need to avoid Rose for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 🙃
> 
> EDIT: This chapter now has fan art by the amazing artist Koa!!!!! [[link]](https://twitter.com/koa_doodles/status/1228396723183276038)


	5. Forget About Your House of Cards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone!!! please look at this amazing beautiful art that my friend & beta reader [Jess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_one_Maid_of_Space) did for this fic!!! [LINK](https://wowfkntrashy.tumblr.com/post/190594634722/trickster-mode-engage-for-alldavekats-house-of)
> 
> its so good, its my beautiful boy i love him <3

You and Dave sort of avoid each other for a couple days, as much as you can, anyway. You are roommates after all. But after about a week, things return to pretty much normal. You don’t talk about the night of the wedding, even though it’s never far from your mind. You go back to watching shitty movies on the couch together, arguing over whether or not Dane Cook is a comedic genius (spoiler: he is!!), and eating enough Doritos to feed a small army. 

The problem is, things aren’t really the same. At least, they aren’t for you. You’ve known you have feelings for Dave for years now, but it was a lot easier to ignore that fact before you slept with him. You find yourself lying awake at night, thinking about him in the next bedroom over, wondering what he’d do if you just snuck over and slipped into his bed. Most likely he’d laugh at you and kick you out. Maybe he’d get upset and never speak to you again. But sometimes, you let yourself imagine what would happen if he didn’t. If he actually, against all reason, wanted you in the same way you want him.

One night you’re lying there torturing yourself, simultaneously wishing you could just have a functional love life for once, and reminding yourself to be grateful for what you do have because, fuck you, you’ve reached adulthood and are living in a hive with your best friend on a planet you helped design, rather than being culled on Alternia years ago like you probably deserved to be. You’re getting into a really good self-loathing spiral, and you almost decide to pull up a conversation with yourself on the trollian timeline feature. But you see Kanaya is online, so you message her instead.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CG: HEY KANAYA.

CG: CAN I TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING STUPID AND PROBABLY OVERLY PERSONAL?

GA: With An Opening Like That How Can I Resist

CG: YEAH, YEAH, SHUT UP THIS ISN’T EASY FOR ME TO ASK ABOUT.

GA: In All Seriousness Karkat Of Course You Can Ask Me Anything

CG: I KNOW YOU AND ROSE HAVE A HUMAN-STYLE RELATIONSHIP, RIGHT? YOU’RE NOT IN ONE QUADRANT SPECIFICALLY?

GA: That Is Correct

GA: Why Do You Ask

CG: UGH. I. FUCK.

CG: I DID SOMETHING REALLY STUPID THE NIGHT OF YOUR WEDDING.

GA: What Did You Do

CG: I

CG: I DON’T THINK I CAN EVEN SAY RIGHT NOW, FUCK

CG: JUST

CG: HOW DID YOU GET OVER THE WORRY THAT YOU WERE WRONG FOR JUST LETTING GO OF QUADRANTS?

CG: NOT THAT *I* THINK YOU’RE WRONG FOR DOING IT, FUCK THAT. YOU TWO ARE CLEARLY PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER, ANY NOOKSUCKING IDIOT COULD SEE THAT, AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP OBVIOUSLY WORKS, QUADRANTS OR NOT.

CG: BUT DON’T YOU EVER HAVE A VOICE IN YOUR HEAD, SAYING IT’S SELFISH, AND DANGEROUS, AND JUST… WRONG?

GA: Is This About Dave

CG: WHAT???

CG: NO!!!

CG: …

CG: WHY DO YOU ASK?

GA: Most Of Our Friends Seem To Think You And Dave Are In A Quadrant Together Even Though You Say You Arent

CG: WELL, THEY’RE WRONG BECAUSE WE FUCKING AREN’T!!

GA: Do You Want To Be Though

CG: …

CG: FINE. I GUESS WE’RE TALKING ABOUT THIS RIGHT NOW.

GA: You Literally Brought Up The Subject But Go Off I Guess

CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP.

CG: THE TRUTH IS

CG: I’VE HAD BULLSHIT FEELINGS FOR DAVE FOR OVER A SWEEP, NOW. BUT I CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE A) HE SAYS HE’S NOT CAPABLE OF FEELING ROMANTIC ATTRACTION TO MALES, AND B) IT’S

CG: FUCK

CG: IT’S NOT JUST IN ONE QUADRANT, OKAY?

GA: Ah I See

GA: And You Are Worried About What This Means About You

CG: YEAH, NO SHIT I’M FUCKING WORRIED ABOUT THAT!

CG: I MEAN, I KNOW I’M A USELESS WASTE OF A TROLL WHEN IT COMES TO FIGHTING, OR HAVING NORMAL BLOOD, OR PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING.

CG: BUT I ALWAYS HAD THIS IDEA THAT WHEN IT CAME TO ROMANCE, I COULD AT LEAST DO THAT RIGHT.

CG: BUT NO, I CATCH FEELINGS FOR A FUCKING ALIEN, WHO DOESN’T EVEN HAVE THE *CONCEPT* OF QUADRANTS, AND THEN I CAN’T SETTLE MY *OWN* FEELINGS INTO ONE EITHER!

CG: I KNOW IT’S FUCKING SICK AND WRONG, BUT I FEEL FLUSHED AND PALE FOR HIM IN THE SAME BREATH. I’VE EVEN FELT BLACK AND PALE AT THE SAME TIME, HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??

CG: I’M SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP, KANAYA.

GA: Karkat Listen To Me Carefully

GA: I Know That As A Jadeblood I Did Not Have The Same Worries As You Growing Up

GA: But I Was Raised By The Same System As You And I Know It Is Hard To Let Go Of Those Cultural Expectations

GA: However I Think You Should Do What Makes You Happy

GA: If Sticking To Strict Quadrant Boundaries Makes You Happy Then You Should Of Course Do That

GA: But If The Human Lack Of Quadrants Calls To You There Is Nothing Wrong With That Either

GA: I Think You And Dave Are Very Good For Each Other If That Means Anything

CG: THANKS, I THINK.

CG: TRYING TO RECONCILE WHAT YOU’RE SAYING WITH THE SHITSTORM OF PANIC IN MY BRAIN IS GOING TO TAKE ME AWHILE, BUT I’M STARTING TO SUSPECT YOU MIGHT HAVE A POINT. FUCK.

CG: I THINK I NEED TO GO THINK ABOUT SOME THINGS.

CG: THANK YOU FOR… WHAT YOU SAID.

CG: TELL ROSE I SAID HI, TOO.

GA: Anytime Karkat And I Will

You scrub at your face with your hand and sigh. Honestly, on some level you do think Kanaya’s right. But there’s also this screaming panic that rises up in you whenever you think about the possibility of abandoning quadrants. It’s so fucking dumb, because you really don’t think there’s anything wrong or dangerous about it when Kanaya does it. But when you think about doing it yourself, you feel sick and wrong and horrible. And it doesn’t really matter anyway, because Dave’s not into you that way, you remind yourself, as if you could ever forget. You’re the wrong gender, the wrong species, the wrong everything. 

If you told Dave how you felt, it would just sabotage your friendship for no reason. It’ll be better for everyone in the long run if you just keep your feelings to yourself.

~

For the fifth time this morning, you are resolutely not thinking about Karkat’s ass. Even though he’s bending over right now to change the movie and it’s just really right in your face, like whoa, hubba hubba, helloooo nurse! Nope. Not looking at it. Not thinking about why you have to actively try not to look at it.

See the thing is, you’re not a homophobe, okay? You live with your brother, the gayest dude alive, and your twin sister is his sapphic equivalent. You have zero problem with either of them living their lives that way, loving who they want to love, etc etc. You have literally no issue with gay people. Or bi people. Or whatever. You’re just… not one of them. And the reason you feel like hyperventilating at the idea of even considering the possibility that you might be in the realm of maybe not being fully straight, is just because it’s so not you, that you feel weird even thinking about it. That’s all.

You’ve been having a difficult time ever since the night of Rose’s wedding. Difficult as in, every time you try to jerk off, you have to stop because images of Karkat keep floating up in your subconscious. Basically, your own brain is cockblocking you. Because you can’t. You just can’t, okay? It’s wrong. Knowing you were high on weird sex drugs, you can kind of accept the fact that you did sexy stuff with your best bro that night. But getting off to thinking about him when you’re stone cold sober? Not okay. Definitely not straight. No plausible deniability there, no sir.

And anyway, Karkat seemed really upset about what happened. It would be pretty fucked up to touch yourself while thinking about the admittedly hot as hell things that you two did together, while knowing how freaked out he was after it happened. 

So you just, pretty much, don’t jerk off anymore. And it’s the worst, and it’s making you pent up and horny as shit all the time, and Karkat’s really not helping things by bending over like a two-dollar whore shaking his ass in front of you to change the damn Blu-Ray. That’s the only reason you’re even thinking about any of this right now, because you’re just really worked up and haven’t been able to do anything about it for, uh. About three weeks.

Karkat finally finishes up whatever intricate ritual he’s performing on the Blu-Ray player, and sits back down on the couch next to you. His thigh is touching yours, and you hold your breath because, fuck, even that little touch is causing problems for you in the pants area and you’re disgusted with yourself. He’s your best friend, you can’t think about him that way, it’s just not right. Karkat seems to notice you’ve frozen up entirely, and he pauses.

“Are you okay, Dave?”

Your cheeks are hot. “Yep, I’m great, nothing wrong here, why do you ask?”

“You just seem a little… off, I dunno,” he worries at his lip with his sharp teeth, and you want to kiss him so much-- fuck. No. You’re just being horny, it’s nothing to actually do with Karkat, you tell yourself.

“I’m fine,” you insist. “Let’s watch the movie, come on, I need to see what idiotic bullshit Will Smith is gonna do in the robot future.”

“Fuck you, Will Smith is a genius at acting and everything he does is perfect,” Karkat snaps back at you automatically. Back to normal, see, you were worrying about nothing.

That night, you finally decide to just get it over with and jerk off. Karkat’s going to get suspicious if you keep acting weird around him, and that’s going to damage your friendship way more than you touching yourself while maybe accidentally thinking about him. 

You turn off all the lights and get into bed. You’re already hard just from thinking about masturbation, Jegus, you really are pent up. You pull your pajama pants down below your ass, grab your come-flavored lube (it’s ironic okay), and slick your hand up good before finally touching yourself. You moan a little at how good it feels, your wet hand sliding easily up and down your dick. Usually you watch porn or try to fantasize about some generic hot tiddies bouncing up and down or whatever, but right now you just want to get this Karkat bullshit out of your system. 

You start thinking about his juicy delicious ass, his big muscular arms and how he tossed you onto the bed like you weighed nothing. You think about his bulge filling up your mouth, hot and wet and squirming. You think about how good he smelled, how sweet his mouth tasted when you kissed him, how amazing his hand felt on your dick, how safe you felt in his arms, how happy he looked when you told him you loved him. How he said he loved you too-- fuck! You cover your mouth with your free hand to muffle your shout as you come, hot liquid splattering on your stomach. You close your eyes and jerk yourself through the end of your orgasm. Your heart is pounding. Well. Okay. That just happened. 


	6. And I'll Do Mine

Dave has been staring at you all morning. Like, even with his shades on, it’s extremely fucking obvious and it’s kind of weirding you out a bit. And every time you look at him he jumps and looks away. You keep surreptitiously checking to make sure you don’t have food in your teeth or something. You finish your breakfast, loudly chug the rest of your coffee, and then slam your mug down on the table a little harsher than you intended to.

“Okay, Dave,” you say. “Out with it. What the fuck is going on, why are you staring at me?”

Dave turns an almost frightening shade of red. “Uh,” he says.

“Did I do something? What? Is there something stuck to my horns?” you demand.

“No, bro, you’re fine,” he stammers. “It’s just, uh. I just. I like the way you look, that’s all.” He trails off awkwardly, looking down at his hands.

“Okay, well I know that’s a bold faced fucking lie,” you say. “What is it really?” You know you’re acting like an asshole and you should let it go, but you can’t stop picking at it.

“Um,” Dave says. “Well. Shit, dude. I kind of didn’t want to bring it up because it’s gonna make everything awkward, but I guess shit’s already awkward? Shit’s been awkward ever since that one night approximately three point five weeks ago when you and I did the noodle caboodle, the ol’ spaghetti in beddy, the you show me yours and I’ll show you mine, uh, fuckin’... bonanza.”

Ok, now you’re blushing too, cool. “Uh. I thought we weren’t really talking about that.” 

“I mean, yeah, at first I thought that would be better, you know? Like, just forget it ever happened, go back to being the tightest of platonic bros. But, uh. Fuck, man, I’m sorry, but I just really can’t stop thinking about it.”

Fuck. Your blood runs cold. He’s done with you now, you know he is. Now that he knows about your disgusting attraction to him, he can’t take it anymore and he’s kicking you out of his life. You’d thought everything was okay and things would blow over, but you were just kidding yourself. As always, there is no happiness in store for Karkat Vantas.

You feel like you’re choking on air, drowning as you respond. “I understand, Dave. I mean, I fucking violated you, knowing fully well you’re not even attracted to men, just because I couldn’t control myself. All I can say is I’m so fucking sorry, I completely understand if you want to cut me out of your life from now on and I absolutely respect that, I just ask that you p-please don’t tell anyone about what happened, okay? Please. I know it’s selfish of me to ask but I don’t think I could take it, having all our friends know what a piece of sh-shit I really am.” You’re openly crying by the end, gross pink tears running down your face faster than you can wipe them away. You can’t look at Dave. 

“Whoa, what the fuck?” Dave says. He sounds upset. “I told you before, Karkat, you didn’t do a single thing wrong! Have you been worrying about that this whole time? Fuck, I should have known you’d be worrying about this too. Shit, please don’t cry.” 

You look up at him sadly. “You don’t have to lie to me, I know what I fucking did. And you were nice enough to pretend it didn’t happen, but now you can’t ignore it anymore, and I don’t blame you for that! My actions were fucking reprehensible and the worst part is, I can’t even bring myself to wish I could take it back. I enjoyed it too much. Feeling close to you, feeling like you wanted me the way I want you, just for that night... I physically can’t fucking regret it.”

Dave’s mouth turns into an o. “Wait, you… actually want me like that? You weren’t just going along with it because you were drunk?”

You look away from him. “It doesn’t make a difference, I know you don’t feel that way about me anyway. Seriously, Dave, it’s okay, we don’t have to talk about this anymore. I’ll just go.” You move to get up, planning to go to Kanaya’s until you can find a new place to live. You’ll just come pack up your shit later, you guess... Fuck, you seriously hate yourself so much, you really just have to ruin every good thing in your life, don’t you?!

Dave grabs your wrist. “Wait,” he says. He hesitates, then leans in and kisses you gently, then backs away. 

“Why did you do that?” You frown at him.

“I don’t know,” he says. “Uh. I like you?” You notice his hands are shaking slightly. 

“I thought you didn’t like guys,” you say slowly.

“I don’t,” he says. “I mean, I didn’t. Fuck. I’m not really sure, anymore.” He looks miserable and scared and goddamnit, you just want to hold him and protect him forever.

You sit back down. Whatever emotional crisis you’re having inside, it can wait, Dave needs you. 

Dave takes a few deep breaths, bouncing his leg up and down. “So, I don’t know how familiar you are with human sexuality, besides the dumbass obtuse shit I’ve told you over the years. But, uh. Have you heard of. Bisexuality?” He says the last word so quietly you can barely hear him.

You nod your head. “Yeah, that’s the one that’s just being normal, right? Where you don’t have weird biases against certain genders?”

“Okay, that’s vaguely homophobic I guess but sure, you get the idea,” he says. “Well, recently, I’ve been kind of thinking about certain feelings I’ve experienced in the past and present, as well as actions I’ve taken, and I’ve been coming to the conclusion that I may have been wrong in saying certain things to certain people about certain...things.”

You’re not sure what to say to that trainwreck of a statement, so you just nod for him to continue.

“Specifically, I’ve been rethinking whether I may have been wrong in saying I’m incapable of being attracted to non-girl persons. I mean, I still don’t know if I’m rarin’ to wrassle with just any old dong, but like. I. Like. Definitely enjoyed the Karkat dong. Ten out of ten buckets, would suck again. Plus also, feelings, right? I have those, apparently. For you, I think? I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m in doki dokis with you and I think I’ve been a dumbass about it for a long time and I just. Need to tell you before I go crazy. I didn’t think you felt the same way though, but it sounds like maybe you do? Please tell me if you do. Okay I’m going to stop talking now.” He says this all while looking anywhere but your face, which you’re sure is growing steadily more and more confused.

“Do you. Are you saying you have romantic feelings for me, Dave?!”

He winces. “Yep.”

Your bloodpusher leaps into your gastric tube. “I, uh. Same?”

He finally looks at you. “Shit. Really?” A small, hopeful smile is forming on his lips.

You nod. “What, uh. I mean, I know you don’t have quadrants, but is it like, red?”

“Yeah, red for sure. Pale too though,” he admits. “And I like pissing you off in a sexy way so I guess we gotta throw black in there as well. Fuck, I didn’t even think about that, what quadrant do you have for me? Is it a problem for you if I can’t stick to one? Because, like, I don’t know if I could stand it if mackin’ on you means I don’t get to talk to you about feelings shit anymore. I actually… really don’t like the idea of having to share you, huh.” He frowns slightly. 

Your gastric sack clenches. “I. Also. Don’t want to share you,” you say shakily. “And it feels so...wrong, but I can’t fucking help myself. I just want you all to myself like a greedy, desperate tool.” 

To your amazement, instead of running away screaming like a sensible troll, Dave just smiles. 

“I mean, shit Karkat. That sounds pretty fucking perfect to me? Like, I was too busy freaking out about the gay thing to even remember to worry about the quadrant thing, but I guess the quadrant thing is like your gay thing, in a way? So, maybe, what if we just say fuck it and do this thing our way? The Dave and Karkat way? Just. Do what makes us happy?”

You think. Is it really that simple? Can you just say “fuck it” to your entire cultural heritage, and shack up humanways with this endearing idiot you call your best friend? And if the answer is no, then what? 

You see your life splitting into two paths from this moment. At the end of one path, you see yourself, miserable and alone, unable to hold down even a single quadrant, knowing you could have had exactly what you wanted with Dave but you were too fucking scared. 

You can’t see what’s at the end of the other path. But you know you won’t be able to live with yourself if you don’t at least try to find out.

“Okay,” you say, and it feels momentous. “Let’s do it. Let’s just be… Dave and Karkat. Together.”

Dave grins at you and your bloodpusher thumps pathetically in your thoracic cavity. As you lean in to kiss him, you think, for the first time in a long time, that you might actually be happy.


	7. Your Ears Should Be Burning

Karkat just kissed you. Karkat just agreed to human-style date you. Holy shit. You’re so happy and you’re also so fucking terrified. You smile at him weakly. What do you do now? You’ve never fuckin’ dated a person before, holy shit, what do you do? You guess you could just ask him, he is the expert on romance after all.

“So, uh, what do we do now?” you ask. You hope that isn’t such a stupid question that he leaves your ass immediately, causing you to break the record for shortest relationship of all time.

Karkat looks thoughtful. “If this were a standard flushed relationship on Alternia, which it’s definitely fucking not, we would probably just spend some time getting to know each other better, doing traditionally flushed activities like romantic candlelight dinners and watching movies together. Then we would get used to, uh, pailing each other and practice to prepare for the drone season so neither of us got culled when it was time. But, since that’s not a concern for us, I… don’t actually fucking know? What do you… what do you _want_ to do?”

“Kinda just wanna keep hanging out with you like normal,” you say. “Just, with the possibility of kissin’ and stuff on the table now.” You’re blushing, a fucking lot, just talking about this. You two have literally already fucked and you can’t even talk about kissing without getting flustered. 

Karkat’s blushing too, though, which is fucking adorable. “That sounds good to me too.”

“Where doing this man,” you say. You summon up your courage and grab his hand where it’s laying on the table. His face lights up and he squeezes your sweaty hand back. 

“Where making it hapen,” he replies with a small smile. Your heart clenches. God, you really fucking like him.

~

Two weeks later, you’re on the couch watching the consort kingdom’s remake of _Friends With Benefits_. You’re snuggled up against Karkat, his large form functioning as a pillow for you, and he’s making observations about the pale-flushed vacillation between the two main characters, one of whom is a newt that looks startlingly similar to Mila Kunis. You’re half-listening, and half just enjoying the feeling of sitting here with your cute boyfriend. You have a boyfriend, how crazy and amazing is that? The newt Mila Kunis on screen is getting eaten out by the newt version of Justin Timberlake, and Karkat squirms under you slightly. Oh ho. You venture an educated guess that he might be a little horny. You haven’t done anything further than making out since you two actually made your relationship official the other day, but you’ve definitely been thinking about it. A lot. And jerking off, also a lot. 

You decide to test your hypothesis, so you turn to him and start kissing him on his neck, gently. He shudders and his breathing picks up. Encouraged, you slide into his lap, straddling him, and kiss him on the mouth, raking your hand through his thick hair. He kisses you back eagerly, placing his hands gently on your hips. You keep kissing for a while like this, while the movie continues playing in the background, forgotten. You’re definitely getting hard, and normally you’d stop right here, flushed and breathing heavily, and mutter something about not wanting to go too far. You’d both talked about being worried that you’d fucked up by having inebriated sex so early on in your relationship, so you were just taking it kind of slow and careful for now.

Today, though, you want to go farther. Basically, you’re down for doing whatever Karkat’s comfortable with. So instead of pulling away, you press it against him and grind down a little bit experimentally, making sure he can _definitely_ feel your interest. He actually moans. Fuck, that’s hot. You keep rubbing against him and kissing him, and he moves his hands down to grab your ass. Tingles of pleasure spark through your body as he gropes you, and your dick is now a fuckin’ steel rod. 

“Wanna move this to the bedroom?” you murmur in his ear. 

He nods, eyes wide. You wrap your arms around his neck and he just fuckin’ stands up, carrying you by your ass. God, he’s so sexy, you can’t fucking stand it. 

Back in his room, he lays you down gently on the bed. You’re a tiny bit disappointed that he didn’t throw you down forcefully this time, but you’ll save that conversation/confession for another day. He climbs up on the bed and leans over you, running his hands up and down your hips, kissing your mouth, your neck. You tug at the hem of his shirt, trying to pull it off him. He laughs softly and takes it off for you, and you take your shirt off too. You touch him all over his chest and back and sides. The dark red marks on his sides--grubscars, you remember they’re called--are shiny, like rubies embedded in his flesh. They kind of weird you out, but in a sexy way? You run your hands over them and he shivers. Yeah, definitely in a sexy way.

“You’re so good, Dave,” Karkat whispers in your ear. Fuck, you...really like hearing that. Like, a lot. Your whole body heats up at hearing that, actually. You need your pants off and his pants off, yesterday.

You wiggle out of the rest of your clothes and he kicks his pants off too. His bulge is out, and as soon as it’s free from the prison of his boxers, it wraps itself around your cock in a languid coil. Fffffuck that feels so amazing, Jesus Christ, you’re never going to be able to get yourself off alone again, you’re spoiled forever by how incredibly hot this feeling is. His grip is wet and tight and hot, moving around you, making you shudder with pleasure. You grab his hips and touch him wherever you can reach, your hands moving around frantically and thoughtlessly. You honestly could come just like this, but you’ve been wanting to try something, ever since...well, ever since you saw him shirtless after his shower almost a year ago, honestly.

“Karkat, wait,” you pant. “I--fuck! I want you inside me.” You know your face is red right now and you hate it.

He stops moving his bulge, to your great displeasure, and looks at you, confused. “How would that work? You don’t have a nook right? I did some research about human males and you definitely don’t have the same parts trolls do.”

“My ass, dummy,” you say. “Get on up inside my poop chute. That’s how, uh, human guys do it.”

He looks vaguely ill, and you quickly backtrack, “Uh, I promise it’s not as gross as I just made it sound. And also, we definitely don’t have to, fuck, we can just keep doing this, this is great.”

“No, I--I want to try it,” he says, a little unsure. 

“Okay,” you say, attempting to sound confident. “I’ve only ever done this on myself but I’ll try and show you what to do.”

You slick your fingers up with the fluids that have already been gushing off his bulge. (Troll sex is fuckin’ messy as hell.) Feeling self-conscious at how intensely he’s watching you, you reach down to your ass. You rub around the rim a bit to warm yourself up, then stick a finger inside. Fuck, it feels real fuckin’ good. You honestly don’t do this that often, but you’ve had enough practice by now, that your body skips past the “this is weird and feels like I have to poop” sensation and goes straight to “hnggg fuuuuck yesssss.” You push your finger deeper in, trying to relax. Karkat’s watching you with wide eyes, his dick moving around yours in a very distracting way. Your whole body feels like it’s on fire and the center of the flame is your asshole.

“Can I try?” he asks, and you almost break your neck with how quickly you nod yes.

He reaches down and separates your entwined dicks, then pumps his hand around his bulge to get his fingers nice and wet. You slip your finger out of yourself to let him in, and suck in a breath as he pushes it inside you. Fuck, his hand is so much bigger than yours, even just with one finger you feel so stretched and full. He pushes deeper in, slowly and tentatively. He crooks his finger slightly, and you moan REAL fuckin’ loud as he brushes against the happy button that lives in your butt. 

“You found it, bro,” you pant, “that’s the spot, that’s the reason human guys are always going to the emergency room from getting a cucumber or something stuck up their assholes, ah, ffff-FUCK!” He cuts you off by finding it again, and rubbing the pad of his finger over it repeatedly. Your legs are shaking and you’re falling apart, embarrassing noises falling from your mouth as the pressure in your body builds and builds. 

“Can I--?” He indicates toward his bulge, which is impatiently flapping around in between his legs. 

“Fuck, yes, please,” you gasp. You’re a mess already, and he hasn’t even actually fucked you yet.

He removes his finger from you, grabs his bulge, and holds the base of it still while he introduces its tapered tip to your asshole. It eagerly burrows into you, squirming around and making itself at home as he feeds more and more of himself inside, slowly and carefully. His bulge has some give to it, but it’s definitely thicker than his finger, and you groan as he stretches you open. He’s tense and rigid with the apparent effort of restraining his bulge from just delving into your ass like a deep sea diver ready to take the plunge. 

You don’t want him to hold back. “Come on, give me the whole thing, fuck Karkat, I can take it, please,” you babble. You wiggle your hips to try and encourage him.

He looks down at you and takes a deep breath. Then he releases his grip on his bulge and lets it bury itself in you, fuck, fuck! It’s so much, Jesus, you can’t think, all you can do is feel. It rubs against your prostate and you whimper and shudder. You’re not sure how much Karkat can actually control that thing, but it seems to be encouraged by your reactions, and it keeps lashing against your most sensitive sexy spot without giving you any reprieve. You...really don’t mind. At all. 

You grab his face and kiss him, messy and desperate. You reach a hand down to touch yourself but he pushes it out of the way gently and wraps his own hand around you. He pumps you up and down, and you cry out into his mouth. After only a few strokes, you’re tensing up and coming, intense waves of pleasure coursing through your body as you spill all over Karkat’s hand and your stomach. He growls, a low heat in his voice, and works you through your orgasm. He lets go of your dick and bends down to kiss you properly, licking his tongue into your mouth and biting your lips. You whine, overstimulated and overwhelmed, until he comes too, shaking and gasping and gushing copious amounts of troll spooge all over both of you. 

He stays inside you for a few moments, both of you panting, then his dick slides out of you and retracts back behind his species’ built-in athletic cup. Then he sits back onto the bed, looking unsure of himself again. It’s so stupid, you’ve been best fuckin’ friends for years and you’ve had sex multiple times now, but you feel kind of awkward too. You scootch over to make room for him, and pat the bed next to you, and he gives you a small smile and lays down beside you on his back. You roll on your side and make eye contact with his shoulder. 

“That was some good shit dawg,” you say, then cringe immediately because wow you sound like a douchebag. “Uh, I mean. It was nice. I had a good time. Yeah.” Wow, that was somehow worse. 

He pauses for a moment, then pushes your chin gently up so he can make eye contact with you. You flinch, but look back into his eyes. There’s uncertainty there, but also something fierce and protective that makes your heart swell. He leans over and kisses you deeply and honest-to-fuckin’-god romantically. Your heart throbs and you kiss him back, trying to communicate how much you like him by mashing your mouth against his, because you’re too emotionally constipated to say it in words. 

He draws back from the kiss and smiles at you, a real smile. You’re so fucking in love with him, holy shit. You draw him toward you in a hug, grinning into his shoulder, and he squeezes you back. You feel warm and happy and safe.

“Hey, Dave,” he murmurs in your ear.

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad I met you.”

You squeeze him as tight as you can, and mumble, “Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm @alldavekat on [twitter](https://twitter.com/alldavekat) and [tumblr](https://alldavekat.tumblr.com)
> 
> my [homestuck rp discord server](https://discord.gg/Zmq9B9R) (18+)


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